


Human At Best

by blurrycopaface



Series: Human At Best [1]
Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Anxiety, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Mild Smut, Musical References, Neurodiversity, Psychosis, Regional At Best Era, Schizophrenia, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-02
Updated: 2020-01-03
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:41:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21938389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blurrycopaface/pseuds/blurrycopaface
Summary: Josh was sick of doing the same thing everyday. Wake up, go to work, come home, go to bed. Maybe see a show on the weekends, then it would start all over again.He just wants to be a part of something important.Maybe that something was the little white envelope that his coworker handed to him with ‘twenty one pilots’ scribbled on the front.
Relationships: Josh Dun/Tyler Joseph
Series: Human At Best [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1963435
Comments: 15
Kudos: 21





	1. The Taste Of Redbull

**Author's Note:**

> I am so soft for RAB era fics of the boys first meeting so I wanted to try writing my own series. I don’t know where I will take this, but we will see how it unfolds.  
> Thanks to flightlessnerds, avoidthoseeyes and edy for being major inspirations.

Work, rinse, repeat.

_Work, rinse, repeat._

Everything was the same over and over everyday, working 5 days a week, Monday through Friday, barely having a chance to do things he _actually_ enjoyed on the weekends. His life ran it’s course like a spiraling drain, looping around and around until days started to blend together and Josh didn’t remember if it was Friday or Monday.

When his coworker, Chris, first recommended that Josh listened to his band, he didn’t think much of it, often times there isn’t a significant impression left from listening to label-less, naked discs burnt from someone’s laptop in their garages.

Working at Guitar Center meant that he frequently had strangers pushing their own promotions onto him, inviting him to shows, and offering him demos of songs. 

He never listened to them. Not because he thought they were bad, even though they mostly were, but because he was frequently listening to so much music in his spare time, taking inspiration from everything he heard, marveling at all the different things people did with sounds, he was kind of particular with what he chose to subject his ear holes to.

But here Josh was; sitting at home, empty envelope in his hands, with the name ‘twenty one pilots’ scribbled in sharpie on the front, completely enraptured by the songs he was listening to. 

The first one he heard was called “Time To Say Goodbye” and the moment he heard the singing begin, he felt goosebumps break out along his arms. He couldn’t quiet describe it...but there was something _different_ about this music. Something that made his heart feel warm and tight under his ribcage and his limbs feel heavy like lead. 

He paced around his room while he listened. The lyrics were so complex and spoken so quickly, he had to replay it a few times so he could really hear and understand them. The way the man sang, it was almost like rapping, but it sounded more like aggressively reading poetry with instruments added in the background, it flowed together so incredibly well. It spoke to his soul, the writer knew how to perfectly describe anxiety and thoughts of darkness in a way that was perplexingly poetic.

There were only three songs, but Josh repeated the whole disc about 8 times in a row, his fingers quickly picking up on the tempo and tapping along to the drum beats as he continued to pace around his room. Anxiety slipped away into the rhythms and melodies as he attempted to drum along with his hands.

He was hooked. He always wanted to be a part of a musical project that _really_ meant something. His life was so boring, so stagnant in this tiny town of Ohio. Nothing important or grand ever happened here and Josh felt like he might start clawing for a desperate escape if something didn’t change soon. There was this inclination in his gut that said this music was going to be _incredibly_ important. It felt and sounded like what he had always been searching for in a project.

And he wanted to be a part of it.

•

Josh was soon invited to a show of Chris’s, he loved going to shows, watching music played live always brought him into another state of mind, away from his often crushing anxiety and overthinking, it inspired him to keep practicing his own musical instruments.

He had been listening to twenty one pilots repeatedly for the last 3 weeks, so, needless to say he was ecstatic, if not also a little fretful.

He had been telling Chris how amazing the songs were, how unique and cool he thought they sounded. How the lyrics were some of the most beautiful poetry he’d ever heard. It’s all the two really talked about at work anymore. He felt like an annoying fan, and he hoped his friend appreciated the enthusiasm. Chris laughed and told Josh how he would pass along the compliments to Tyler, who he learned was the person behind the singing and songwriting and was responsible for the initial forming of the band. 

Chris explained to him how Tyler and the other band member named Nick, who performed bass, met in highschool, through basketball, and how Tyler wrote and recorded an album on his own prior to actually forming twenty one pilots, now the three of them were working on their first full length album. 

“How did you meet Tyler?” Josh asked Chris at one point during a shift as they stocked general merchandise near the registers.  
“We were at a party together and I played drums, Tyler really liked my talent and we talked about the idea of working together. He and Nick had been messing around with music in Tyler’s basement, it was a pretty mediocre set up, but the talent that Tyler has really showed even with what limited software he had at the time.”  
  
Josh was so interested, his brows furrowed slightly as Chris continued,

”So yeah, now he, Nick and I are all staying together at my place, working on more stuff. We already have most of that EP finished. When Tyler first saw my studio, he got so excited, oh man, it was so funny haha.” 

Chris chuckles and pulls out his phone, showing Josh a photo. 

“Here is one of the first times we all played together, it was such a small crowd but Tyler has so much energy on stage, he puts on a heck of a show and is amazing to perform with.” 

Josh looks at the image and sees his friend Chris, standing next to two other dudes. One guy is lanky and tall and wears glasses and the other is a bit shorter with tan skin and short brown hair. 

Chris points to the shorter man to indicate Tyler. 

He was kinda dorky looking. Now that he had a face to a name Josh tries to picture Tyler being excited about recording equipment and it makes him smile. 

Chris tucks his phone away in his pocket and continues, “Hey, so we are playing at the New Port Music Hall next Tuesday if you want to come and I can introduce you to the other guys.” 

Josh’s eyes lit up. “Oh wow! Yes I would love to!”

Chris smiles, “Awesome I can get you a free ticket.” Josh begins to respond but another coworker comes up to him, asking if he could help a customer with some drums. Josh gives a nod to Chris and walks away with the other coworker.

•

Josh totally forgot he was scheduled to work that Tuesday night, cursing his stupidity he knew he had to get out of his shift somehow.

He calls his job up and explains how he was feeling "Horribly sick." He even coughs dramatically and they seem to buy it. He hangs up the phone and tries to decide what to wear from his assortment of skinny jeans and graphic print shirts. His heart pounded with excitement like a first date.

Josh was in a local Ohio bar called the New Port Music Hall, just a few blocks from where he and Chris worked.  
He decided on wearing a black band tee and had straightened his hair, he hoped he looked okay. The venue was pretty small and empty at the moment, Josh wouldn’t have guessed that a band was supposed to be playing in less than an hour if he wasn’t actually invited himself.  
He was nervous while handing the ticket to the usher, suddenly scared that maybe his ticket wouldn’t work for some bizarre reason and then he would awkwardly walk back to his car and go home to play his drums alone in his room.

Entry was a breeze, the guard shrugging and barely looking at his ID and ticket. Josh stands by the bar, ordering a lager and looking around the venue space. A few girls came up to him to talk, but he mostly sipped his beer and stayed close to the wall, out of the crowd.

When the band finally came onto the dark stage, Josh immediately recognized his friend Chris, positioning himself behind the drum set, then a taller dude who he realized was Nick walking with his guitar over to the left side of the stage. And that left Tyler to appear.

Josh’s eyes searched the darkness for him, he wanted to experience him perform so badly, he couldn’t describe the urgency of seeing him in person, but he just felt so inspired and at the very least wanted to let him know how talented he truly was.

Suddenly the lights flashed on and a small figure in a white hoodie came walking out onto stage. He seemed small and a bit awkward but had a firey confidence about him that Josh admired, making his way to the keyboard with determination.  
Nick began to drum as Tyler played the keys with exuberance, his head bobbing so hard Josh feared he would hit himself on the microphone.

He started to sing and his voice was even more incredible in person, he could feel the power and emotion behind every single word. Josh was entranced. He didn’t recognize the song but he felt himself lost to Tyler’s energy. The crowd, even as small as it was, was soaking it all up, and jumping around.

Tyler tripped over a cord and Josh felt himself hold his own breath, but the recovery was seamless, Tyler shaking his own head as he rolled onto his side to buffer his stumble. He rose back up and continued on like it was part of the performance.

Tyler had enough gusto of a five man band as he ran around the stage, jumping and dancing all the while singing fiercely.

Nick and Chris were doing good too and Josh tore his focus a few times from the lead singer to appreciate their performance, but they were lack luster compared to Tyler who stole his attention back time and time again.  
Josh marveled at the amount of raw talent and vulnerability Tyler had.  
Josh wished he could be like that.

To go up onto a stage and just give as much energy as he's got. To not care about messing up. To not let his own anxiety dictate his actions. Maybe he could be like that someday.

Josh felt his hand bouncing against his leg to the drumbeats as he pretended to play along. He couldn’t help it.

He watched Chris drum and wished it was _him_ up there instead. What a terrible friend he was, wanting to take that from him.

Control yourself, Joshua, there is no way you could make it to that position, respect your friend and what he has.

Tyler ran over to Nick at one point, feet moving so fast as he danced to his own music that they became a blur and he screamed into the microphone. Then he grabbed a keytar that seemed to pop up out of thin air, jumped on top of one of the drum stands, flailing around exuberantly as he played and it was sort of ridiculous, but Josh loved every moment of it.

They played a slower song, the keyboard thrumming slowly into each note while Tyler sang into the microphone. Then the piano riff began and Josh felt his heart nearly stop as Tyler wailed a long and powerful note.

" _Wow_." Josh can't help but say and god he wished the people around him would stop talking and _listen to this._

The song crecended powerfully into a drum breakdown, getting quieter then Tyler spoke into the microphone for the first time.

“Hey everyone, thanks for coming out to see us. We love you Ohio. Hope you’re all having a good time.” His voice was breathy and cracked slightly. He flashed a small smile out into the crowd and Josh and him locked eyes for a moment.

The show continued, the crowd growing steadily, although most people seemed to be here strictly for drinking, not paying much mind to the performers now, too soon Tyler and the rest of the guys were thanking the crowd for a final time and the lights were shutting off again.

Josh was unsure of where to go or what to do all of a sudden, people were pushing into him and he felt suffocated. He was able to wiggle his way through the drunken sweaty mass and saw Chris up against the wall of the bar, waving to him. 

He felt a wave of relief at seeing a familiar face but then noticed Nick and Tyler beside him and remembered he had to make a good first impression and suddenly Josh was anxious beyond belief.  
There was so much he wanted to say to Tyler, to convey. He ran over his words in his head repeatedly as he made his way towards the other guys.

Its okay, it will be okay. Just introduce yourself, it's just like talking in front of a class, which he never could do anyway and would end up barfing in the school bathroom.

_Oh god._

He couldn’t do this.

And then suddenly Chris was talking to him, apparently introducing him to Nick who offered his hand which he shook loosely, he hoped his palm wasn’t sweaty. Then Chris motioned to Tyler and Josh bit at his lip piercing anxiously as he tried to smile, gripping the other man’s out stretched hand maybe a little too tightly.

Tyler gave a small nod, leaning into the hand shake, speaking above the noise around them, “So _you’re_ the crazy fan, huh?” He says through a small smirk.

Josh laughs softly, “Uh, y-yeah, I guess considering I’ve been listening to you guys on repeat every day for the past couple weeks, I would say I am a fan, hope I’m not _too_ crazy though.” Tyler gives a small laugh and squeezes his hand gently, he hadn’t realized they were still shaking hands.

That’s awkward.

Josh releases his grip and coughs. He tries to relax.

It’s getting louder in the venue, as the bar starts to fill up with even more people now and Nick suggests they all make their way outside.

•

Josh finally feels like he can breath, although the sudden space and view of the starlit night is a little dizzying. He blinks.

The four men are walking towards the parking lot, Nick is asking something to Chris and Josh shoves his hands in his pockets, eyes to the ground as he tries to steady his anxious thoughts. 

He feels someone come up beside him and is a little startled when Tyler speaks to him. “Did you enjoy the show?” 

Josh looks up briefly, the other man also had his hands in his tight jean pockets, face flushed and semi-sweaty from their performance. 

Josh clears his throat, “Uh, yeah, I mean, it was incredible. You guys have some of the best music I have ever heard and I’ve heard _a lot_ of music.” 

Josh curses to himself mentally thinking that he sounded like he was trying way too hard to flatter them. Tyler just gives a small chuckle, “Awe, well thanks, thats really cool to hear.” 

They continue down the dark July street, Nick and Chris slightly ahead of them. 

“Are you from here?” Tyler asks. “Yeah,”

Josh explains where he grew up and where he went to school. Tyler tells him how he was mostly homeschooled and his Dad was a pastor, his Mom a teacher. 

The two of them catch up to Chris and Nick, the other band members are sitting next to their cars in a patch of grass, illuminated harshly by a street light.

Tyler plops down beside Nick and looks over to Josh as a silent invitation to sit beside him. 

Josh is grateful to feel included. 

Now that he can see Tyler in the light more, he notices how his skin tone was a sort of caramel color, Josh thought it was really pretty. He notices he has a rubber band on his left wrist and wonders why. 

“Does anyone want a cider?” Asks Nick, distracting Josh from staring at Tyler, Nick offers a can to Chris who takes it and pops it open.

Nick reaches one out towards Josh and he takes the lukewarm metal in his hand. He notices that Tyler gives Nick a small frown and shakes his head.

Josh looks to him, “You don’t want one?” He didn’t want Tyler to feel excluded as Josh often did in social situations.

Tyler glances to him, “Nah I don’t drink that.” He gets up as he says this and retrieves something from his car, a box of Red Bull, he notes.

Josh looks at his own can of cider and second guesses if he wants it now. “This is my vice.” Tyler says when he returns, holding a can up to his face, “It gives you wings.” He says in a silly high pitched voice and Josh feels his face break into a grin.

Tyler offers him a can and Josh says, “Yeah, I think I’d prefer that.”  
He sets the unopened cider down in the grass and pops the top of the energy drink. It tastes awful and he awkwardly chokes it down, trying to hide from Tyler that this wasn’t something he often drank. Maybe he was trying too hard. Josh doesn't think about it too much.

“You sure you wanna drink that right now Ty?” Nick asks Tyler as he gulps the stuff down like it’s water. “It’s like twelve fourty-five.” Tyler shrugs, “Ah, I have tracks to work on anyways, so.”

“Do you play music, Josh?” Nick asks as he takes a sip of cider. Josh nods, “Yeah I, uh, I taught myself drums from a young age.” Josh reluctantly sips more of his own drink.  
“I played trumpet quite a bit In high school too” Nick nods, “Chris here has told me you’re a pretty great drummer, as you’ve played around on the demo kits at Guitar Center.” Josh laughs, feeling his face flush slightly, good going Chris for talking me up, he scratches the back of his head and adjusts in the grass to lean himself back more comfortably.

“Well I love drumming, I usually will play along to songs I like. I was in a band called House of Heroes, and I helped write some stuff. it was fun but I ended up needing to work more and we kinda just split ways...”

They continue chatting in the parking lot and Tyler mentions how the three of them are going to be hanging out Saturday for pizza and video games and they invite Josh to join them. Josh remembers in the back of his conscious how he had something planned with his younger brother, but he eagerly accepts anyway and would explain it off to him later. 

“I would love to hear you drum, dude. You could try out Chris’s nice set and play to some of our songs, just for fun.” Says Tyler, rubbing his chin and bouncing his knee, probably a result of the caffeine. Josh feels his own face flush again, the idea of being able to play Tyler’s songs with him made his heart speed up. He’d love to share in that incredible energy the young man has. He keeps wanting to tell Tyler how talented he thought he was but the right words were caught in his throat.

“Oh man, I’ll-I’ll start practicing right away.” Says Josh, the taste of the Red Bull beginning to grow on him. “My favorite song so far is The Pantaloon, I love the beat. Although I’m not quite sure what the lyrics are about...” Tyler laughs loudly, his face scrunching up and Josh notices how his bottom row of teeth are crooked.

“Maybe if you prove yourself at Mario Kart I’ll let you in on the secrets of my mind.” Josh returns the smile, “Sounds like a challenge.” Tyler grins mischievously behind his can of energy drink as he finishes it off. 

They chat more about high school and music. Chris and Nick eventually convince the bouncy Tyler that it's time to go home, and he tells Josh goodnight, bringing him into an awkward side hug before jumping up out of the grass and towards their car.

Nick and Chris wave goodbyes and Tyler turns to flash a bright smile at Josh as he says, “Goodnight! Great meeting you man!”

Josh watches their car lights blink out into the dark street. As he sits still in the lamp light on the cool grass, he looks up at the stars. His body feels tingly and he doesn’t know if it's from the Red Bull or from Tyler's incredible concert, but he has the image of his crooked toothed smile in his head all night and Josh can’t stop smiling to himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pls watch these for ref to the performance > https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xx3y0LnGLm8
> 
> (At 21:32 Josh can be seen in the crowd! :') ) >https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sIlSLJz2jcA


	2. Slowtown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So bold and fearless in the risks we take,  
> Laugh in the face of gravity as it's laws we'd break,  
> On trampolines so high, we reach for the sky, but I,  
> Do not look up anymore and I don't know why.

The work week flies by as Josh focuses excitedly on hanging out with Chris, Nick and Tyler that upcoming Saturday.

Before he can have much time to process anything from their first meeting, it's the day they had invited him over and Josh is driving to the address that Chris had sent him via Myspace.

It had been rough when Josh explained to his brother, Jordan that he had to cancel their plans for the night. Jordan couldn’t understand how he could prioritize putting someone he just met before his own brother, calling him a jerk before dramatically storming away. Josh felt himself go inward, that anxious sinking feeling dragging him down, unsure of how to help Jordan to feel better so he left it at that, removing himself from the situation entirely. He hated feeling that way. He hated hurting people. 

Josh still felt the sickness of nerves in his belly from the interaction and asked himself if he should even go over to Chris’s house right now.

He didn’t feel he deserved to spend time with friends if he didn’t know how to talk to his brother without hurting his feelings.

Josh rubbed his temples between his forefinger and thumb, his brain felt clouded as he rolled up to Chris’s house. It was white with a blue roof and a neatly cut front lawn. It seemed simple and inviting.

Josh cuts off the engine of his car and takes one, two, _three_ deep breaths.

Okay Josh, let’s just forget about everything else and just enjoy hanging out.

Even though that meant he would want to really impress Tyler with his drumming and _oh god_ there was the rising nausea of nerves again.

Fuck it, you really want to get to know this guy, don’t let the opportunity slip by like so many other things you have missed out on.

He walks up to the screen door and raps his knuckles against it. He hears it unlock and is greeted by Nick, who has messy hair and is wearing baggy clothes.

“I'm sorry, did you just wake up?” It was like 12:30 in the afternoon, but he didn’t judge as Josh had risen from his slumber late in the day plenty of times.

“Nah man," he says as he unlatches the screen and invites Josh in with a sweeping hand. “I was just jumping around on the trampoline out back for a bit, Tyler is still locked away in the studio but Chris is out back.”

Josh removes his shoes and places them in a messy pile of others by the door. He nods his head and responds with, “A trampoline?”

Nick smiles, “Yeah! Its super fun if you wanna come check it out.”

Josh smiles back and follows him through the kitchen and out the sliding glass door. He glances around the rooms he passes through. Nothing too special that really screamed ‘a bunch of young dudes in a band live here’, it was decently kept with some posters in the living room, a well used couch and a television.

The back yard was spacious with a small grill to the side, some lawn chairs and sure enough, a large black trampoline. “Wow!” Josh exclaims, he admits that it looked pretty fun. Chris is sitting in one of the lawn chairs and waves to him. Josh waves back and walks over, the grass slightly brown and crunchy under his socks.

“How goes it?” Asks Chris as he drinks some ambiguous liquid.

“Oh pretty good, I'm looking forward to playing on your nice drums.” Chris grins. “Heck yeah man, let's get this party started!”

Nick interjects, walking over to the two of them, “I’m pretty sure that Tyler is still in the basement, probably asleep.” Chris rolls his eyes. “That dork shouldn’t stay up so freaking late, he always falls asleep in the studio space and then when we want to use it, we can’t or else we will disturb the sleeping dragon.”

“I’ll go knock and see if he's ready to be human.” Offers Nick with a shrug and walks back inside.

Josh sits himself in a plastic white lawn chair next to Chris. He watches the sky and the birds fly across the dark blue and grayish clouds. Lets his eyes flutter close for a moment and breaths deeply.

The screen door shutters open again and Josh turns to see Nick exiting, followed by a disheveled looking Tyler.

He looked so small and soft, extremely juxtaposed from his stage presence last week. His short brown hair was poking up in different directions, and he rubs at his eyes, blinking slowly, he walks over to one of the opposite chairs and sits himself down. He doesn’t make eye contact with anyone so Josh looks away from him, not wanting to make him uncomfortable.

“How was your night, Mr. Batman?” Asks Chris. Tyler doesn’t seem to hear him at first, he’s currently looking out across the yard at something unseen.

There was long silence and Nick clears his throat and asks if Josh would like some soda, Josh agrees and as Nick is handing a Coke to him Tyler finally says, “It was inspiring.” His voice is sleepy and sluggish as he continues to not make eye contact with anyone. “Oh?” Says Chris, “Did you finish anything?”

Now Tyler turns to look at his bandmate, life starting to slowly come into his features. Tyler has a slight smile on his mouth as he responds, “Oh yeah. I did a lot. I’m excited to show you guys.”

“Well I guess it’s good that you hogged the studio space all morning then.” Tyler seems to not be hearing them once again, instead he turns his attention to Nick and asks, “Can I have some cereal?”

Nick gives him a look that Josh couldn’t tell was sternness or sarcasm. “You can get it yourself, dude.”

Tyler forms his face into a pouted lip and large brown eyes and Josh would have gotten up right then and there to get him anything in the damn world, but Nick rolls his eyes with a, “Fine.” And gives him a rough pat on the head as he walks past him, asking, “Reeses or Krispies?”

“Reeses.”

Josh is surprised how vulnerable and shy he seemed right now, on stage he portrayed to be so utterly sure of himself and confident, now he was sinking into his too large white shirt and grey sweatpants, seeming to slip in and out of reality. Maybe Josh could relate to Tyler more than he expected.

Suddenly Tyler turns his gaze to Josh for the first time and smiles.

“Hey Josh.” Josh feels his cheeks heat up and he isn’t sure why, maybe because he had caught him off guard.

“Hey.” Is all that he can say back. They look at each other for a moment and Josh expects Tyler to break the staring contest but he doesn’t and Josh can feel his own face heat up even more to the point where he has to look to the sky again.

“So, we were wanting to get this guy on my drums so he can jam out.” Chris pipes up and Tyler nods slowly, playing with his own hair. “Yes. Looking forward to it.”

Nick comes back from the kitchen and hands Tyler a white bowl which he assumes is full of Reeses Puffs. Tyler becomes totally concentrated on devouring it.

“Okay Josh, let’s go see the studio space, yeah?” He nods and gets up from his chair to follow Chris, leaving the sleepy Tyler with his bowl of cereal.

•

The two men make their way back through the house, passing by two bedrooms and a bathroom. Josh wonders where Tyler sleeps and tries to imagine how he decorates his room.

Does he have a lava lamp? Posters? What color are his bed sheets? Josh didn't know why it mattered so much to him, but he wondered anyway.

They walk down some creaky wooden steps into a moody basement space. Its dimly lit with ropes of lighting surrounding the perimeter of the room, a large sunken in yellow couch lay to the side, a few tables with impressive looking recording equipment, then next to that a microphone stand, some guitars and sure enough, a beautiful glistening drum set. “Oh wow.” Is all that Josh could say. It definitely wasn’t Hollywood, but it was one of the nicest feeling studios he had been in. It has personality.

Chris walks over to his drum kit and hands Josh his sticks. “Have at it my friend.” He settles himself on the swiveling leather cushion, it felt just like the one at Guitar Center and he wondered if that’s where Chris had gotten it.

He marveled at the kit in front of him, the metal glimmering in response to the lighting. He begins with a slow beat, feeling out the sticks and their weight, as he feels more comfortable he starts to speed up, an unwritten song coming to him and he increases in pace, finishing with three loud strikes on the middle drum.

He turns to look at Chris and sees Tyler behind him, cereal milk dribbling down his chin as he is watching Josh intently.

Josh feels his heart skip a beat, unaware he was being watched by him. “ _Uh_ , these feel great Chris, my set up at home is pretty old. I’ve been trying to save up for that red and black bundle at work...but...you know.”

Tyler comes up beside Chris, stealing the attention away from his and Josh’s conversation, he sets his bowl down beside him.

“Do you know any of our songs?” He asks, his voice low and much less sleepy now. Josh curses himself mentally, totally forgetting to try and practice any before coming over. Thankfully he knew their songs so well purely from repeated listening, he figured, _he hoped_ , he could perform some.

“Uh, yeah I feel I could play some with maybe some guidance.” He hopes Tyler chooses to play something easy. Tyler nods and walks over to the computer and turns something on.

The beginning to Time To Say Goodbye starts to play and Josh sighs in relief, this one he knew really well.

Tyler then walks over to the keyboard in the room, almost tripping on his baggy clothes. He looks to Josh, it seems like all fogginess is gone from his eyes now, the 5 second long exchange between the two of them is understandingly intense and Josh feels suddenly empowered.

 _He could do this_.

Josh was a little late starting the drum beat in the song, but he didn't dwell on it, instead he watched Tyler as he began playing his keyboard, his foot tapping along to Josh’s drum beats. Tyler begins rapping, back hunching over, face buried in the microphone. Josh is still watching him.

“Its time to say goodbye. To the earth and now my worthless life.”

Tyler glances over to Josh and as he does this, takes the mic off the stand, walking over to stand in front of the drum set.

"'Cause everything I've ever made died --"

He begins dancing to Josh’s drumming while still singing and Josh bites his lip as he plays with earnest, Tyler’s energy pouring off him and Josh eagerly soaking it all up.

"It's dead now inside a grave."

He feels warm and light and like he didn't have a body anymore. His anxiety didn't exist when playing the drums. When playing with Tyler.

_He was playing with Tyler._

Tyler was bouncing around, arms twitching and shaking between breaths of lyrics. They were almost perfectly in sync and Josh almost didn’t realize the song had ended. He looked over at Tyler to see him grinning to him and Josh beamed back. “How was that?” He asks. “Amazing.” Tyler responds a little out of breath.

Josh realizes Chris is clapping, had forgotten he was even there. “Nice dude! You picked up on that really fast!”

Josh laughs “Oh, thanks man.” He scratches the back of his head as he suddenly feels a little awkward, being pulled out of his element from drumming.

“Do you want to try another?” Asks Tyler and Josh hesitates, thinking and biting his lip, and then says, “Yeah, _yeah_ I do.”

•

Neither of them realize that two hours pass and Chris has been upstairs for about forty-five minutes now, leaving Tyler and Josh to goof around together.

Josh played The Pantaloon and Implicit Demand for Truth with a little help from Tyler. Then they kind of start to make things up on the fly, Tyler playing a melody and humming into the mic while Josh taps out a steady beat. It felt so natural with Tyler, to just play along to him. Josh wonders if they could ever write a song together.

“Hey guys!” They hear someone call down from upstairs and see Nick’s head poke out from the doorway. “Pizza is here, wanna play some Mario Kart?”

The two boys in the basement call back, “Yeah!” Tyler is switching the equipment off, covering his keyboard carefully, with such delicate gestures. He turns to Josh and smiles wide. “That was so fun dude, you’re honestly amazing.” Josh’s heart thumps beneath his ribs and he sucks in a breath. “Y-you really think? Thank you, thank you.” He doesn’t know what else to say.

They walk back upstairs, following Nick’s lead.

The smell of bread and cheese hits Josh full force in the nose and he groans, stomach responding with an eager rumble. He had lost track of time with Tyler and didn’t realize how goddamn hungry he actually was.

The guys all crowded around the kitchen island, paper plates and napkins at the available, 3 boxes of pizzas open on display for the ravenous carnivores about to dig in. “Hmmm I am _so_ hungry.” Tyler groans beside him, licking his lips and grabbing a slice of plain cheese, not even bothering to have a plate under neath it.

Nick beckons from the living room, “Who wants a controller?” And they all sit down around the television. Tyler sits next to Josh and on Josh’s other side sits Chris.

“I call Snake!” Says Tyler eagerly, pizza still on the corners of his mouth as he grabs a controller with greasy hands. “I call Kirby.” Josh retorts back and Tyler gives him this goofy smiley. “Kirby.” It isn't a question, just a mere statement but he’s laughing breathily and squinting his eyes in a smile. Josh smiles and laughs with him.

Chris beats everyone and Nick asks for a redo, Josh gets up to get another piece of pizza before the next round. “Don't start without me!” He calls from the kitchen and jumps when he realized Tyler is right beside him. “Hey.” He says simply and smiles to him while he himself reaches for more pizza. Josh fidgets awkwardly beside him, he could feel Tyler’s hip press into his own as he leans over for a plate this time.

Breathe Josh, _just breathe_. It’s okay.

Why was he so anxious around Tyler? Josh simplifies it as just being so admirable of him.

Yeah, that's _all it was_.

They are back on the couch soon and he notices how close Tyler chose to sit next to him. Knees touching, thighs pressed into the other’s. 

Tyler was determined to win, his concentration solely focused to the tv screen and the controller in his hands. Josh was doing much better this turn. Kirby came from the corner of the screen out of nowhere and flung Nick off the side of the map. “Oh!” Nick exclaimed, tossing his hands in the air.

Josh saw Donkey Kong coming for him and he managed to jump out of the way. Snake was on a platform right below him and Josh saw the opening. He didn’t go for it though, he let Tyler win.

“Yeahhah!” Tyler shouts, bounding up from his chair for a victorious thrust in the air with both hands.

“Nice job guys! I haven't had that much fun in a while, we should add Josh permanently to the team!” Nick says and high-fives Josh from his chair. “No offense Tyler, but sometimes you can be a little, uh," He laughs. " _In_ _tense_.” Tyler flinches, leaning over Josh to punch Nick gently in the arm. 

Josh is laughing and drinking more soda, he looks over at Tyler, sinking back into the couch and notices that his energy has shifted. He is staring at something again. Josh is perplexed. Tyler had the same look he had this morning when he was still half asleep only this time he looked rather sad. Distant, detached, airy.

There was something inside Josh that hurt seeing Tyler like that. “Hey.” He tried, voice coming out small and low next to him. “You okay?”

Josh wanted so desperately to help him feel better, why couldn't he just be good at helping others? He bites at his lip ring anxious and hoped that Tyler would do something, would hear him and know that Josh noticed him.

The other two guys didn’t seem to pay any attention to Tyler’s sudden shift in mood, and he felt like he had the sole responsibility to be the person who was reaching out to him. He could definitely understand how it felt to zone out because of your own thoughts or feelings. Josh wanted to try anything to bring him back down to the safety of earth. 

“Hey, _uh_ , I heard you had a trampoline.” Josh is hopeful and he watches Tyler slowly move his gaze to meet Josh's own. The smallest of smiles flashed across his lips.

“Do you wanna go?” He asks Tyler, and without a response Tyler promptly lifts himself up from the couch to head towards the sliding door.

Josh guessed that was a yes so he follows him. 

  
•

The air is sharp and smelled like cut grass and barbecue. Josh didn’t realize how late it had gotten, the sky up above them had turned a deep shade of periwinkle and blue as the sun was setting behind the suburban backdrop. It was lovely.

Josh inhales a shaky breath, trying to spot Tyler in the darkness of the backyard. He sees movement over by the trampoline and begins towards that corner of the lawn.

As he approaches the trampoline he sees Tyler laying on its surface on his back with his face up towards the stars.

Josh doesn’t want to startle him so he clears his throat and sits gingerly on the edge.

Josh just sits there for a while, either of them on the rim of the tarp. Tyler seems to pay him no mind, so Josh looks up to the heavens with him and can’t stop the exhale of a small gasp. The stars were so freaking bright: scattered across the black atmosphere like a glittery splash of paint.

Josh always loved the stars. He wondered what lay beyond the Earth’s atmosphere; who or what was watching them. It made him feel less lonely when he entertained the idea of being watched over, wether it be by God or extraterrestrial or whatever.

His siblings thought he was weird for thinking such things so he didn’t talk about it often.

Tyler spoke just then, bringing Josh’s attention from the sky above him back to the boy on the trampoline.

“Do you ever wonder? About who is out there? And what they think about us?” He echoes Josh’s thoughts and Josh blinks in awe, scooting a little closer to Tyler as he listens to him speak.

“What do they think of us? Did they put us in this world just for us to struggle and fight? Are we like a game show to them? They sit up there and watch as we cry and starve and kill ourselves and yet, they do... nothing."

"How could a God exist if he can allow so much evil and turmoil to occur throughout the world? I searched and searched for a sign of Him, that He was watching, or that He believed in me, but time and time again I found the same...emptiness."

"Maybe He has abandoned us. It seems like a lot of pressure for us to have the responsibility of making things better. We are just human, after all.”

By now Josh had laid down next to Tyler, fingers interlaced across his own stomach as he listens attentively to Tyler speak.

“The world around us is constantly moving, taking, wanting, we distract ourselves with fantasies, buying things, eating things, believing in things. Is it all just a lie?"

"What is the true nature of humans? Are we meant to live like this? Every is so fast and demanding. Why can’t we just slowdown? Just lay down and wake up somewhere else.”

He is finished speaking and Josh doesn’t respond anything at first, but lets all the pretty words sink into his brain.

“Sorry.” Tyler whispers shakily after a few moments of silence.

Josh turns to face him, “What? No dude, don’t be sorry. These are the same things I think about a lot.”

Tyler tilts his own head to make eye contact with Josh. “Yeah?” Tyler’s eyes look sad, and unsure, like he was hiding something behind the brown orbs. Josh’s heart aches as he watches his expression dance through a battle as he continues to speak.

“It’s scary. To admit you don’t know what to believe. They all tell us that God is the only truth in the darkness, the savior and we are nothing without him, but I feel like...like there is something more. Something that not even _they_ can explain to us.”

Josh wasn’t completely sure who the ‘they’ was that Tyler was referring to but he understood every word he spoke. He felt every word he spoke. Just like he felt all the lyrics Tyler wrote.

“I totally feel you on that.” Is all Josh can say and looks up to the sky again, running a hand through his curly hair.

“I feel scared to admit to others that I may think or believe differently than them. I would be devastated if I disappointed my family.”

Tyler hums in agreement. They lay in silence for a long amount of time, then Tyler says, “You know, I’ve never really been able to trust anyone with those kinds of thoughts but...”

Tyler turns again on the trampoline, laying his cheek against his own arm, causing his soft face to squish into a pout. “But I _really_ feel I can trust you, Josh.”

Josh feels his breath hitch gently in his throat. “Wow, that _uh_ , that means a lot to me dude...”

Tyler smiles softly into his arm and blinks. “I know we just met and all, but, you seem really cool.”

Josh feels his face heat up with a blush and he looks away for a moment to hide this. “You do too. I-it's always been kinda hard for me to really make friends. I've had pretty intense anxiety.” Josh explains.

“Really?” Tyler asks, “Never would have guessed, you are very brave.”

Josh glanced at Tyler. “Aw, really? Thanks man. That’s really nice. I don’t feel it a lot of the time.”

“Well it’s true, Josh, it takes a lot of mental strength to push past your fears and overcome the voice in your head.”

Josh locked eyes with Tyler now. The younger boy was gazing at him, eyelashes dark and heavily framing his brown eyes that sparkled in the starlight.

Josh thought right then and there that he was most probably the most beautiful human being he had ever seen.

Tyler sighed heavily out of his nose and closed his eyes. “Are you sleepy?” Josh asks him, he would hate to keep him up later than he would like. “Mm not with you here.” Josh felt himself burn with embarrassment again.

“I really enjoy talking with you, Josh.” And every time Tyler said his name, it sounded so beautiful, like his singing and Josh felt like a spark erupted inside of his chest.

“I really enjoy talking with you too, Tyler.”

There was deafening silence for a few heartbeats and Josh’s mind frantically tried to string together words for interesting conversation. Thankfully Tyler takes the lead. “Do you want to bounce on this trampoline?” Josh grins. “Okay!”

Next thing he knows Tyler is leaping up into the air, short hair fluttering every time he would come down in contact with the trampoline. Tyler was giggling and smiling like mad, so opposite to how his demeanor was just a few minutes ago. Josh realized he helped do that.

Adrenaline coursed through him, temporarily banishing his thoughts of doubt and fear. He watches Tyler wind his legs up into jumping off from the trampoline again and smiles across to him. “Can you do a back flip?” Josh asks him, because that was one strange talent he knew he had.

Tyler shakes his head no. “I mean, I’ve never tried. You can?” Josh nods, eager to impress his new friend.

He tenses his legs with the next come down to a bounce and launches himself upward, propelling himself up and backwards with remarkable ease.

“Holy crap!” Tyler is looking at him dumbfounded, clapping his hands excitedly and Josh is probably blushing again for the millionth time that night.

“That was _so_ sweet dude!” Tyler is grinning. “I’ll try!” And he fails pretty miserably but Josh just cheers to him, “Try again!”

“Why don’t you show me?” Tyler asks him, hopping a little closer on the trampoline. It’s so dark outside now, Josh can just barely see into the dark depths of Tyler’s eyes, shining expectantly in the moonlight.

“O-okay, yeah, I can.” Josh is holding his breath, not sure how exactly he should show him but Tyler reaches out a hand to grab at Josh’s arm to hold onto and it feels electric and bright like the stars above them.

Okay. I guess they were jumping together, side by side. But they were just bouncing on the tarp together for a good few minutes, Tyler giggling madly.

Josh felt free, he felt home.

He counts to three to indicate preparing to backflip and he launches off, but his socked foot slips and he tumbles to the tarp, accidentally bringing Tyler down on top of him. “Oof.” Josh exhales as the other boy crashes against his chest and knocks the breath out of him.

Things were spinning for a moment as his brain tries to catch up with where he was so suddenly and he realizes that Tyler is pressed to him still, warm and soft.

Josh is nervous that this made things weird, his brain frantically trying to figure out to play it off, but Tyler was just laughing and smiling still, looking so blissfully happy so Josh laughs along with him. 

“That was—“ Tyler is gasping for air through howls of laughter. “That was _awesome."_

Josh still has an arm around Tyler, he should probably move he realizes, but Tyler was still on top of him, not making indications of being uncomfortable so they stayed like that.

Tyler is giggling softly, chest heaving against Josh's own, cheeks puffed out with air and eyes squinted into a gleeful expression.

"Do you-should we try again?" Josh asks him. Tyler gazes at him seriously. He smelled like pizza and something sweet. "Maybe try taking our socks off?"

He finally slips off of Josh and adjusts his shirt, reaching down to tug off his white socks. Josh sits up, clearing his throat and pulling his own socks off.

"Helck it's cold." Josh mutters as his bare toes touch the black texture of the trampoline and feel like ice cubes.

"Did you just-did you just say _helck?_ " Josh looks up to Tyler as he asks this,"Uh, yeah I think I did." Tyler is laughing again, hand slapping at his own knee. " _Helck."_ He repeats loudly. "Oh _helck_ Josh, my feet are so _helcking_ cold." Tyler holds his stomach with his free hand, doubling over to roll against the trampoline.

Josh is glad he didn't think he was lame or weird. Tyler just made him feel okay to be silly, even _appreciated_.

As Tyler wipes a tear from his eye, he looks back to Josh. "You know man, I don't think I'll be able to do back flips as good as you, I give up. I'm good at like everything else, backflipping just isn't one of those things." He reaches out a hand and pokes Josh in the leg. "But if anything, I got one _helck_ of an ab work out tonight."

The two guys sit on the trampoline, Josh had put his socks on again but Tyler was determined to win an unspoken game of 'my feet can survive longer than your feet'. They looked at the stars, Tyler pointing to some constellations and making up names for them like, "General Too Bright." And "Galaxia Maxia." Josh suggested, "Grande Crunchy Comet." To which Tyler approved with a yelp of laughter and a pat to his back.

Tyler asks him what his favorite movie was, and what kind of music he liked. Josh hoped he was giving all the right answers, but Tyler never made him feel inferior or like his opinions didn't matter. He simply nodded and smiled and commented. They had a lot in common, so much so that when Tyler started to talk about something, Josh only added more to the topic, then they snowballed their conversation into something else totally different but still just as exciting. Josh had never been to excited to talk with anybody about anything. He felt like he was a little kid again, making friends in grade school.

The two glance back startlingly as they hear a shout from the house, they see Nick, waving from the light of the living room. "Hey guys! I'm going to sleep, it's like 3 in the morning! But Josh, stay as long as you want!" Josh groans and waves back to acknowledge him.

"Is it for real that late?" He asks bewildered, slipping his iPhone from his pocket. Sure enough the white numbers flashed on the screen indicating "2:42 am". Josh shakes his head, "Damn, time really does fly when you are having fun."

Tyler reaches over to grab at his phone and Josh isn't sure why at first. "Here-" He says and unlocks his phone, _maybe he should put a passcode on there_ , he watches him navigate through his stuff and into the contacts. He clicks the little "+" and watches him type a number in. "Now you have my phone number, we can talk more and text and stuff." Tyler hands his phone back to him, smiling as big as ever.

"Awesome!" Says Josh, genuinely excited that Tyler made the initiative of contact like that. _He must like me then?_ Josh really hopes so.

Tyler rises up from the trampoline and, slipping slightly, makes his way off of it and towards the house. Josh follows him, stumbling in the grass that poked through his socks like little cold needles.

It was much warmer in the house again, Nick and Chris must have turned the heater on, bless them.

Josh shudders as he steps through the sliding door Tyler opened for him. "Cold?" Tyler asks him with a delicate smile. "Yeah, a little." He responds with a sheepish grin.

Tyler disappears into a room, Josh sits himself down on the couch again and rubs his eyes sleepily. A hoodie was being tossed at him and he realizes Tyler had returned, wearing a sweatshirt of his own. "You can borrow it." He says, walking to the nearly empty box of pizza, taking the last piece for himself. Josh replies with a muffled, "Thanks." As he tugs the black warmth down over his person. He shudders again, snuggling himself into it's warmth.

Tyler chews loudly, leaning against the counter in his own grey colored sweatshirt. "Want some?" He raises the slice of pizza up in his hand. "Uh, sure I'll have a little bit more before I go." Tyler tears off another piece with his teeth before giving the remainder to him.

"I would totally offer you to spend the night, so you didn't have to drive home this late, but I haven't really asked Nick and Chris about it, plus we don't really have an extra place to sleep." Tyler is licking at his fingers and Josh watches his tongue dart out from between his lips. "Oh, uh, no that's totally fine dude, no worries."

He eats his leftover slice from Tyler. "I actually live-" He chews as he tries to continue talking but decides to swallow first. "I actually live pretty close by, like just a couple blocks, so it's not a problem."

Tyler is playing with his hair, blinking a little slowly, his cheeks and lips flushed a beautiful dark pink and he smiles. "Okay, that's great, I'm glad." Josh watches him as he finishes eating, awkwardly glancing away when he realizes he was probably staring for _way_ too long.

"Uh yeah, I'll head out now, I don't want my family to be too worried that I'm out partying or something." Tyler chuckles. "Is that something you regularly do, Josh? Party until 3 in the morning?" His chocolate brown hair is being swirled around his fingers as he speaks and Josh _really_ can't stop staring.

"No, not really, it's normally just concerts and stuff. But this was really nice, hanging out here, I mean, with _you_." He clears his throat.

He sounds stupid, his vocabulary really was starting to plummet the sleepier he became. He should really go before he totally loses all memory of the English language and makes a total fool of himself.

Josh rises up from the couch, stretching and retrieving his shoes by the door. Tyler follows him, hands in his pockets as he leans against the wall closest to the entryway.

"Well you are always welcome over here. Or if you ever want to just hang out, I mean, with _me._ " Tyler squints into a smile. "That's cool too."

Josh nods, looking to the floor between them after he has his shoes back on, unsure how to say goodbye. Should he shake his hand? Or fist bump or--?

Tyler is pulling him into a hug, his warmth pressed against Josh's chest, like when he fell onto him on the the trampoline. He still smelled like pizza.

"Be safe going home, Josh." He feels Tyler's fingers press into his shoulder blades firmly, Josh wraps his own arms around Tyler's neck, unsure how to gauge how much affection he would feel comfortable with.

This had to be one of the best hugs he has ever felt, and he really wants it to keep going, bury his face into Tyler's soft grey hoodie, feel his warmth even closer, but Tyler starts to draw away and Josh follows his lead, dropping his arms away and scooting himself back from the other.

"Thanks Tyler, hope you sleep well."

They smile to one another, Tyler opening the door for him, Josh glances back as he leaves, and Tyler is peeking through the screen to say, "I'll be sure to tell the bed bugs to go to helck _."_ He smiles brightly before shutting it and Josh hears it lock with a _click._

Smiling stupidly as he walks back to his car, Josh sits down in the driver's seat for a few moments of nothing. His thumb grazes across the fabric of the black hoodie that Tyler had given to him, it was so soft and warm, he wraps his own arms around it and remembers how incredibly wonderful Tyler's hug had felt.

Josh sighs through his nose. He was _so_ glad he ended up going over to their house. He felt proud of himself and satisfied with all the talking he and Tyler had. He hopes that they continue their friendship. It seemed like Tyler really did enjoy Josh's company.

He brings out his phone from his pocket and pulls up the newest contact saved in his list. Josh smiles like an idiot as he reads the contact name.

**Tyler (aka twentyonepilots [aka aka ur new best frend])**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b6cauT8msnU 💜


End file.
